In Between The Goodbyes

by Empty Handed

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12" available via www.dreamatlanticrecords.com

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released December 11, 2015

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Track Name: Atelophobia
I am tired of myself questioning everything. I never tried to escape even though I had a thousand plans about it: to release myself, to disconnect from everything around me. I wrote it on the walls, I had my face down, but I was wide-awake while you kept slitting my throat. My mind plays tricks on me and time never healed a single let- down. Why do I feel enamoured of people that I should rather forget? Now I can’t tell you what is real ‘cause everything’s just a fragment of your expectations. No more. No more expectations. ‘You’re not good enough’ is what they keep telling me. And to think, I had wishes. I thought I could fulfil your dreams. I thought I could be someone to you. The truth is, I never loved you but I’m still in love with the things I thought we might have been. Keep your eyes shut and take a look at me. Our thoughts will sing to the sound of letting go. I hope you’re lonely like me. Set me free.
Track Name: Cold
I am still scared of what comes after this. I’m caught in this trap with no escape. I want to cut of my fingers ‘cause I can’t resist the need to touch you. You’re still cold. Alles was du jetzt sagst, spielt keine Rolle mehr. Alles was zwischen uns geschah, ist nur die Erinnerung an etwas, was nie passieren durfte. So down another glass, and think about what we were, come to know something that I’ve been going through for years. And feel empathy that could have saved something long before. And when it dies, you will be empty handed. Alles was du jetzt sagst, spielt keine Rolle mehr. Alles was zwischen uns geschah, ist nur die Erinnerung an etwas, was nie passieren durfte. I’ m lost a lost cause, diving into uncertainty. I’m a lost cause. You made me colour-blind. I had faith in you. I’m held captive in a world in grey. You smiled at me and then you ruined me. I will never trust again. I will never fucking trust again. I know some day somehow, someone will do the same to you and you’ll think of me but I will be gone. I will be gone.
Track Name: Devils
I got my eyes closed. I am lost in memories. And it still gets worse. I will always be too weak to let go. Where is the point in this? I can’t forget anything. So, you know, I can’t see things clearly, and I’ll always keep in mind what’s meaningless. And if this made you happy, I have no reason to be with you anyway. ‘You never feel comfortable in company of people’, she said. ‘That’s why you’re whole life is meant to fail.’ But I am.. I’m still breathing. I’m not able to forget, I carry everyone who came and went inside my head. This is the sound of my heart beating and beating and beating. I can’t ever finish what I’ve started. I am afraid of heights, that’s the murdered child within. Nothing’s harder than trying to repair the wings of someone that never learnt to fly. I know, I could have fallen deeper. Day in, day out, I lie awake and I won’t move. And I know the voices in my head will never leave. But I believe in everything that happens in between all the goodbyes. You’re the sweet devils of my past. You keep scaring me in silent nights. No matter how hard I try not to listen, there will always be a lingering sound. In my life, the sky is something that I could never reach, that’s why I felt useless every time my heart has been broken. You’re the sweet devils of my past. You keep scaring me in silent nights.
Track Name: Excuses
When you said that you needed time, I could have given you my time. You used to shine so bright. Now you’re the cloud upon my head. I was begging you to stay. Every word you said, every tear you shed was just a lie. I don’t think that I’m crossing your mind. I guess you never think of me. But In my dreams, I still see your shadows. Sing me to sleep just like you always did. Do you really think you’re missing out? You just threw it all away. I wish that somehow you’d realize you just threw it all away. No, nothing’s better if you stay. Your presence is killing me. There is nothing I fear, but will your voice ever disappear? You’ve always been the best excuse for the way I feel. You’ve always been the best excuse for the way I am. You’re not ready for love, you’re not ready for anything. Do you remember, when you said that I am better off without you, you just thought of yourself. I skip the songs that remind me of you ‘cause I really want to get away from my wishful thoughts. I hope that someday you’d be invisible to me but I guess you’d still be that ghost, to haunt me every night.
Track Name: Travels
I keep sinking in a black sky. Trying to the light that guides me to where I belong. If I am not a better man than anyone else, I can’t be worse than everyone living around me. I learned to say, that I am doing fine, just to hide the truth and no one could say that I have changed but I’ve never changed. As far as I remember I’ve never changed. I swear that I’ve never changed. I kept pretending to see beauty in this world. It was so easy. This is against my will. I’ am not made for this. I wish that I could see the things no one sees in me. I am not alive; I am just passing by. I want everything that is not mine. If life is a journey, will I be old, when I reach my destination? Will I feel empty again? I don’t want to see those faces. I am stranger in familiar places.
Track Name: Lights
It’s hard to face the truth but I keep running in circles. I want to tell you that I am missing you and that my feelings are true. Please, let me take part again. Burn, burn me down. Why can’t someone kill the silence? She speaks in whispers so softly. Please, tell me there is more than this. I can’t control myself. You know it and I hate it. Burn, burn me down. I can’t remember a single moment before you soaked me in. And if everything makes no difference, why can’t I hide myself, close my eyes and feel nothing. Destroy me, build me up, ignore me. Let me down. You know it and I hate it. Burn, burn me down. You know it and I hate it. Burn, burn me down. If only you could see me, I would always change myself..
If only you could see me, I would always change myself for you. Still looking for happiness at the wrong places. I’m the one to blame. But at least I never lied.
Track Name: Twenty-Eight
It’s hard to figure out, where you went wrong when you already lost faith in self-reflection. ‘You need to find something to hold onto’ they say. Let me feel anything. Am I too blind to see what’s killing me? Am I too blind? Am I too blind to see what’s killing me? I am addicted to the thought that I could see what is going to happen, it’s not easy to focus on something new, when it’s the past that keeps dragging you down. Dig that hole. Then fall in. And everything is way too heavy. Wish it away. Wish it away. I lost track of all the things. I found no light. The clocks are ticking, I’m not moving. Am I too blind to see what’s killing me? Am I too blind? Am I too blind to see what’s killing me? Dear uncertainty, help me to remove my doubts. I am anxious. Help me. Help me out. I’m still the best at destroying everything that I helped build. It was me. All I was asking for was a normal life. Now I’m twenty-eight and I feel broken.